Random Thoughts on a Summer Day…

Let’s see just how random I can be today…

~I posted at The MOB Society today On Protecting Family Time and Priorities. I went out on a limb and posted about sports & priorities. I know it can be a polarizing issue in some circles, but I’m hoping people see past that and search for Truth today. I’d love for you to join in the conversation that has already been booming over there! Apparently, I stirred the pot a little…I’ve gotten tons of comments!

Jonah kicking soccer ball

~I’m 27 weeks AND I’m off the Zofran pump! Let’s all do some cartwheels and a virtual high-five! I’m SO excited! Now, I can actually think about having a baby instead of hugging the toilet.

Zofran Pump

~Since I’m finally feeling good enough to deep clean my house, we’re scheduled to have our home inspection part of our Adoption Homestudy completed. I got sick right before we got to this important step and we’ve been temporarily “paused” until I felt better. I’ve hated having this extra waiting time added to our total time, but I know that God is aligning us with our child…and really, He can speed up the other parts of the process if He wants to get us to where we need to be at the right time for the right child.

~Our Homestudy visit is scheduled for the morning of June 14th. I’m cleaning like a madwoman (with plenty of breaks since I tire easily). I’ve come to realize I have WAY too much junk lingering around this house. The donation box is overflowing! Does this count as nesting?

~I went to my regular physician today for some adoption paperwork. It’s the first time he’s heard about our adoption and pregnancy. He didn’t quite understand why we would continue. I thought about sending him the link to my Adoption FAQ #4 post. He filled my paperwork out, but you could tell he thought I was a weirdo. Oh well, I’m getting used to that reaction.

~I get to see my Actress-wanna-be sister tomorrow! Aunt Rachel is visiting from Hollywood! We haven’t seen her since last summer.

http://happybrownhouse.com

~My hydrangeas are in full bloom! I thought they’d be blue like the ones in my granny-in-law’s yard that they came from…but they’re pink. (Kinda like when I thought for sure the ultrasound would show a girl, but it was a boy.) I’ll be adding something to the soil to turn them blue because the blue hydrangeas are my favorite, but these have been making me smile and have brightened my table.

~Tomorrow starts 21 Days of Prayer for Our Sons. Not sure what I’m talking about? Check it out! You can even join in on Facebook! It’s gonna be awesome. There are over 1,000 moms and dads signed up to pray!

I could go on and on, but I think that’s enough randomness for today….

Two Steps Forward, One Step Back…

I had been starting to feel better…thought I had turned a corner with the Hyperemesis. The home health nurse that calls for daily updates on my weight and ketones got all giddy and started talking about weaning me off the Zofran Pump. I thought I was ready, even started doing things like laundry again. Woohoo! In a moment of extreme excitement, I cleaned the bathroom. Mr. HBH was so excited…he thought he was being relieved of his extra duties that have been piled on him. (Can we all take a collective sigh of thanks for Mr. HBH and the wonderful man that he is? Amen.) Jonah was basking in the glory of having his happy-go-lucky mommy play with him and make puppet theaters.

And then we lowered the dosage one too many times in too few days.

Blech. There it was waiting around the corner, crouching and ready to pounce again.

Two steps forward, one step back, I tell ya…like my own real-life game of Candy Land. (Which by the way, Jonah beats me EVERY single  time!)

CandylandAnd I’m totally over it, but I feel really guilty complaining when there are women that would give anything to hug the toilet all day if it meant they were having a baby. And I know, because I’ve been there…really, I’m only a few months removed from it.

So, I’m not going to go there, no matter how tempted I am. I’m going to be thankful that I’m atleast experiencing a lower amount of nausea and overall my dosage is lower. Because with Hyperemesis, some women don’t experience that. Some women are at full force nausea until the day they deliver. Some women make unthinkable choices because the sickness is too much to handle and puts them at a severe health risk. Not me. Today I’m thankful for the extra weight put on after having Jonah that would not go away no matter what I tried. It’s those pesky extra pounds that have kept me out of serious health risk. (Never thought I’d say I was thankful for extra pounds around my middle!) I’m hoping it eventually goes away like it did with Jonah at 28 weeks.

Until then, I’m going to repeat my mantra every time a wave of nausea washes over me. This too shall pass…

photo credit: John-Morgan via flickr

A Little Craft Therapy

One of the things I’ve missed the most during all of this pregnancy sickness has been my sewing machine. One night this week I tucked myself  away in my sewing room to work on an order that I agreed to work on for a friend. (My etsy shop has been closed since I got too sick to function. Boo!)

www.stitchesbysara.etsy.comI worked on some quick and easy burp cloths for two little girls making their debut this summer. While I was sewing, I began to make my mental list of things to make for our little guy. The night of sewing gave me a little boost of energy and has me itching to sew more!

And since I didn’t want to waste the little boost of energy, I pulled out all of Jonah’s baby clothes for little brother. While it’s a little early for “nesting”, I washed, organized, and made a list of things we’ll need to replace/buy before baby comes. The only downside to having this done is that I’m eliminating things from my list when the real “nesting” begins…..Oh, who am I kidding, there’s always more to do before a baby comes!

Confession: The real reason I worked on baby clothes is because I’m avoiding a few hot spots that have piled up during the past few months of sickness. I’m really dreading them and reminiscing over baby clothes sounded much more fun!

Obligatory Easter 2011 Pics

Dear Grandparents and extended family…this post is for you!

So, we’ve hit a stage where Jonah makes a weird face and doesn’t want to cooperate in front of the camera….I’m not gonna lie, it aggravated me and I fussed before church Easter morning. I fussed even more when he did a “baseball slide like Uncle David” in the muddy yard in his Easter outfit. This mama wasn’t happy. Luckily, I got the spot out of his pants before we left for church and he accepted my apology for my slight freak out moment.

All that to say, we barely got any pictures.  I also wish I had a tripod so that we had a picture of everyone together…not that I know how to set up the timer on my camera, but I know I could figure it out.

Jonah Easter 2011 happybrownhouse.com

Jonah Easter 2011 happybrownhouse.com

And only because I don’t know when I’ll see some of my family that might be interested in seeing this….a pregnant belly picture. There ya go, sis!

21 weeks happybrownhouse.com21 weeks and still on the Zofran pump for the Hyperemesis Gravidarum. According to the scale, I’m not gaining weight, but it sure looks like it! As I was typing this post I realized that next year there will be even more people to photograph! Not expecting to have the adoption done by then, but there will be two Happy Brown House boys in matching outfits for sure! Ack! I can hardly stand the excitement at that thought!

I’ll Never Forget…

I know the pain of fertility struggles. While we had no trouble becoming pregnant the first time, the second didn’t come easily. It took almost three years. While that may be a small amount to some who have tried for years longer, the pain is no different. I hope I never forget what it feels like to ache with love for a child you don’t have. Recently, a young lady I love dearly saw my growing belly and tears formed in her eyes. I knew exactly what it was that caused her pain. It’s sad that something so joyous as a baby bump, can also cause pain to someone struggling with fertility. I hope I never forget what it feels like to see someone else’s growing family and yearn for your own…

HOUSE FINCH NEST AND EGGSphoto credit: Cariboub via flickr

I’ll never forget the happy squeals from huddled ladies at church. I’ll never forget walking through the obstacle course of babies to drop Jonah off at his Sunday School room. To a woman struggling with fertility, Sunday morning is anything but fun in a baby-booming church. And then there’s the well-meaning people who ask when you’re planning to have another baby…because everyone else in your age bracket has two children, but you. Do you dare tell them how long you’ve been taking medicines to help regulate your body and the uncomfortable doctor visits where they ask the most personal questions? You don’t. You force a smile and say, “We’ll see…” while trying not to burst into the ugly cry.

I’ll never forget being pulled aside by friends who wanted to break the news gently that they were expecting. And feeling genuinely happy for them, but secretly going home to cry with Ray and mourn my own barren state. Because no matter how happy you are for a friend you love, you can’t help but feel loss at what you don’t have. But I am thankful. They loved me and knew me well enough to care about how I heard the news. They knew that I would rather hear it from them gently, than hear it through the grapevine in public and feel “put on the spot”.

I’ll never forget taking pregnancy tests filled with hope…only to start my period the next day. It was then that I cursed the medicine that didn’t work…again.

Feather Your Nest Necklacephoto credit: ERiaDesigns via Etsy

I’ll never forget reading Hannah’s story over and over again. Praying the same prayers that she prayed so long ago. Finding hope that God opened her womb and gave her a son, but knowing that He is God and doesn’t have to do the same for me. Mourning over hope deferred, and praying for a desire to be fulfilled. I’ll never forget praying that God would open my womb and my heart to whatever He had planned for me…but deep down hoping it was my womb, instead of my heart. I held up that prayer with a closed fist, instead of open hands of praise.

I’ll never forget the look of helplessness in Ray’s eyes. It seemed to be the one thing that he couldn’t fix. So many times he held me as I cried myself to sleep. When insensitive comments from others brought me to my knees, all he could do was pray and hold me.

I’ll never forget the guilt over wanting more. It’s not that I wasn’t thankful for Jonah…quite the opposite. I think it made it harder because I know the joy a baby can bring…not just all the “what if” thoughts, but the “remember when” thoughts. Deep down I knew that our family wasn’t complete yet. There was still more love to go around and a general consensus with all of us that someone was missing. Jonah began asking for babies. We soon included him in praying for God to send us a baby. He joined us in prayer…and look at us now–adopting AND pregnant!

I’ll never forget the day we decided to stop trying. I mourned deeply. There were lots of ugly cries. I knew where we were headed, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I wasn’t done. It wasn’t what I had “planned” or envisioned. I had to grieve over this before I was ready to move on to adoption. While we have always wanted to adopt, I had to deal with these feelings infertility brought up and put them to rest. It was only when I accepted that I might never conceive again and was seriously ok with it, that I felt I could move on. It was only when I could accept what God might have for me without pregnancy that I was ready. Because I believe God is a good God and has my best interest in mind, I had to learn to accept that He had a plan…and it might not involve pregnancy. It was only when I could say, “Lord, I will praise you baby or not” that I could move on. I know too many people who have gotten stuck there, but I knew I had to move past it.

Now I know this, God used this time to bring me to an awareness of the struggles of women facing infertility. While it wasn’t a fun lesson to learn, it was only through this time that I have a testimony of God’s faithfulness to share with my sweet friend praying Hannah’s prayers. Ray and I firmly believe it was this time of yearning, that brought us to the point of saying YES with everything within us when God called us to adopt. And about this pregnancy…I’m still in shock. I laugh and feel somewhat silly when I tell people we run into that haven’t heard the news yet. With every baby kick, I say a prayer of thanks.

One thing I know for sure, I’ll never forget.

It’s a…..

photo credit: OscarandOllie via Etsy

BOY!!!

Jonah is pretty excited about his little brother! (And we are in awe that he called it.)

Yay for hand-me-downs!

It’s Ultrasound Day!

Today, right before lunchtime, I’ll be in a darkened room with Ray and Jonah getting another glimpse at our little one growing within. Hopefully, the little one will cooperate and we’ll get a glimpse of what is to come.

Boy?

Girl?

Pink?

Blue?

Ballet?

Baseball?

We’ll soon find out, but for now, will you say a prayer that everything looks as it should? Measurements where they should be. Organs developing as desired. Healthy. For some reason, I’ve been especially anxious in the weeks leading up to today. I think worry just comes with the baby bump. Although, being so sick with Hyperemesis probably hasn’t helped with the worry either.

Pray for peace.

Pray for good news.

But ultimately, pray that I rest in God’s presence…whatever He may bring.

And, if it is a girl, pray that Jonah takes the news well

I’ll be back to share the news soon! That is, after I tell the grandparents, aunts, uncles, and a few other special people in our life who deserve to be told and not read it in a blog post. :) Patience my friends!

In the meantime, I’ve got a post up on The M.O.B. Society and Totally Tots for you to read!