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Yeah, that…

Asher on a very rough night

You know that feeling when you can’t get a baby to stop crying, no matter what you try…

Yeah, that.

Try feeling it for several months straight. It kinda stinks…in the worst way.

It wreaks havoc on your mommy self-esteem. Rips it to shreds and then stomps on it repeatedly. Then, as if that wasn’t enough, you start questioning your sanity. Wondering, “Am I really losing it or is that the colic, sleep-deprivation, haven’t-had-a-shower-in-two-days thing talking?” It’s a very fine line, my friend.

{Sigh}

It’s been a tough time at our house on the baby front. Sweet little brother, Asher, had colic. I think it’s gone, but I don’t want to jinx it. Colic is rough stuff. Currently, we’re dealing with an extreme aversion to sleep it seems. He fights it like I’ve never seen before. Then, out of the blue, he decides he really IS tired and screams at the top of his lungs because he’s over-tired. Really, over-tired might be an understatement…he’s downright exhausted by the end of the day because big brother, Jonah, can’t seem to leave him alone.

Jonah: “Mommy, Asher woke up.”

Mommy: “Yes, Jonah, babies wake up when you shake the bouncy seat and yell at them.”

I digress.

One would think that he’d be sleeping long periods of time at night since he’s overtired…one would be wrong. Dead wrong. I can’t seem to find the magic equation that results in sleep for him. I think he’s most comfortable on his tummy, but that is a recent hypothesis we’re still testing.

I used to be such a confident mom, but then Asher arrived and threw my parenting “theories” out the window…followed quickly by our household schedule and routine. It’s left me feeling like we’re in a tailspin and I just wish the captain of the plane would grab hold of the controls and land us already….Only we’re not on a plane, and I’m the adult that is fresh out of ideas on how to steady the horizon.

And so for now, I just keep putting one foot in front of the other, knowing that THIS IS A SEASON. A sleepless season. A season for staying in spit-up covered pajamas. A walk-the-floors-and-bounce-a-fussy-baby season. A season for being selfless for the one that is literally helpless without me. Then one day, I’ll wake up surprised and refreshed from a night of uninterrupted sleep. And it will feel oh so good!

In the meantime, I’ll embrace the moments that keep me going…

  •  Asher giggling in his sleep…when he finally sleeps
  • Jonah telling “brother secrets” to Asher during floor time

    Brother Secrets

  • Early morning “Daddy & Asher” time, so Mommy can get a little extra sleep before the next feeding
  • Phone calls from friends
  • Milestones met (even if they haven’t been blogged about yet!)
  • Scripture reading during nursing sessions…we’re both getting “fed”
  • Milk-drunk smiles
  • A hand that finds its way to the small of my back while I’m up nursing in the middle of the night
  • and so many more…

One day, not too far down the road I’ve been told, I’ll turn to my husband and say “You remember how it felt when they needed us?” Yeah, that…

{ 18 comments… add one }

  • Vanderbilt Wife January 5, 2012, 8:28 pm

    OOOO, Sara. I was there. David was not colicky (thank GOD!) but he did. not. ever. sleep. At 12 months he still doesn’t usually sleep through the night. It is so weary for your soul. Will pray for you. And if you ever need a nap, PLEASE call me and I will come corral the kids. :)

    Jess

    • Sara January 19, 2012, 2:55 pm

      So…I’m just now responding to comments. Thank you Jess! He’s been a hard baby to figure out, but I’m hoping we’re on our way out of colic.

  • Teamowenby January 5, 2012, 8:52 pm

    I have never commented on anyone’s blog before but I have felt a connection with your story since I discovered your blog last year. I found it right when you were posting about your hyperemesis gravidarum. I had it too… 3 times. Then we had babies with tummy issues and LOTS of spit up. Hardly seemed fair – I was always told “Tough pregnancy, easy baby” :) I can only encourage you to do what you know is best for your son. I know doctors look down on the whole tummy thing but it WORKED for us. My kids are good sleepers now and I accredit it to tummy sleeping and establishing good sleep patterns when they were babies… fussy, hungry babies.
    I am from Georgia and we have a prominent old pediatrician whose advice we still follow, because it just makes good old fashioned sense. I hope I am not stirring up strife here. I know there are strong opinions on how to care for infants. I guess I just feel like, bottom line, if one thing isn’t working you have to try something else. What is good for one child may not work for another.
    Thank you for your blog post today. I check your blog a few times a week just to see how you are doing. I will be praying for you:)
    April

    • Sara January 19, 2012, 2:53 pm

      Thank you for “de-lurking” and encouraging me! And about the tummy sleeping thing…I’m a firm believer in whatever works. I follow the pediatrician advice on major things, but now that he is able to roll over and push up, I’m not concerned about the tummy sleeping. I already feel like things are getting better with the colic. He’s been the hardest baby to figure out!

  • Dalia January 5, 2012, 10:01 pm

    Oh my, I remember those days as if it were yesterday. I thought it would never stop, my son was very colicky and nothing, I mean nothing helped, not even doctors. It took about 4-5 months of crying, at one point I just cried along with him. It was awful & so exhausting. Poor thing. I eventually got him to sleep by rocking him on my bench swing.

    • Sara January 19, 2012, 2:46 pm

      Thank you Dalia! Yep, I’ve totally cried along with him…multiple times! We’ll get there eventually. I already feel like it is starting to get a little better.

  • Jolanthe January 6, 2012, 7:46 am

    Hang in there girl!! I know that it can be rough those first few months. Several of ours had colic and then when I had Kaleb, for the first 4 months the only way he would sleep at night was literally ON me or right next to me ~ touching in some way. I spent the bulk of those first months in a chair in the living room or on the couch. Every.single.time he would fall asleep and I would lay him down in his cradle/crib, he was up within minutes.

    Just thinking about that wears me out. :)

    I just kept saying ~ ‘he will not be 18 and sleeping in the same bed with me.’ It was my mantra to get me through the crazy. Thankfully, he is a WONDERFUL sleeper now.

    Praying for you!!!!

    • Sara January 19, 2012, 2:44 pm

      I know we’ll get there eventually! Since Kaleb is your fourth, how in the world did you get things done?!?!

  • Lindsay @ BytesOfMemory January 6, 2012, 8:58 am

    oo I do remember those days! You are right.. its a season!

  • Amanda January 6, 2012, 9:32 am

    Yes sweet friend it is but a season! Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and repeating in my weakness He is strong!

    Amanda

  • Pat Reynolds January 6, 2012, 10:18 am

    Oh, dear sweet Sara….tho we haven’t met, your writings of this time in your baby’s life, makes my stomach ache remembering those days a long…..long time ago. I don’t think a mom can forget those feelings! I felt so inadequate, angry, sleep deprived and so wanted her to sleep so I could go about doing what I THOUGHT needed done around the house (I was not married a year yet at that time!). Lots and lots of tears. Thank goodness for a wonderful helpmate and just time….wonderful time that passes so slowly but then finally, they sleep and we do too! Sending hugs and comfort.

    • Sara January 19, 2012, 2:41 pm

      Thank you Pat! It’s wonderful to know that I’m not alone and that “this too shall pass.” He really is a wonderful little guy when he’s happy.

  • Eddie January 6, 2012, 11:40 am

    I feel for you – it has been my experience, in hindsight, that all of the parenting tips for making a baby calm down and sleep work for the sleep-inclined infant, and not at all for the nonsleepers! I had one who literally never slept more than 3 cumulative hours in any 24 hour period for the first four months of her life – and always when I was driving somewhere.

    If it helps you, you may like to know that it is 11:30 am here and that one, now 11, has only just been pried out of bed. Enjoy the season, even if it near-kills you. :)

    • Sara January 19, 2012, 2:25 pm

      Thank you for your comment, encouragement, and the much-needed laugh! It is a comfort to think that one day this child will most likely be pried out of bed, too.

  • JDaniel4s Mom January 9, 2012, 4:33 pm

    I have heard colic is the worst! I hope he gets past it soon.

    • Sara January 19, 2012, 2:18 pm

      Thank you! It is finally getting better. We’ve really been working on figuring out his cues for when he’s sleepy and it is helping.

  • Kara @ The Chuppies January 10, 2012, 12:52 am

    Yeah…that.
    Oh sweet girl…stopping to pray for you tonight.
    Today was a day of throw-up for us.
    And it helped me remember what it was to feel at the end-of-me.
    Praying you’ll find what He has for you in this season and that He’ll carry you through, able to catch glimpses like you shared above of the sweetness in the midst of the struggle.

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